
SUNDAY, Feb 4th
Paducah, Kentucky
Sunday morning, we loaded onto the bus at 10:30 and made our way from Owensboro to Paducah. We made a stop at Walmart to stock up on groceries, snacks, and any miscellaneous medical stuff we would need for our new lives as bus people. I went a little crazy, but overall made some pretty rational choices. I loaded up on protein shakes, peanut butter bars, organic bananas, some charcuterie bite trays, microwave Mac & Cheese, cashews, a few different bottles of kombucha, and a Lunchable that I planned to have for lunch at the theater. I was optimistic about carrying around a roaming pantry and adamant to stop eating out so much (LOL).
After the show, I think everyone in the cast was collectively pretty exhausted and didn't feel up to going out. However, our hotel was next door to a Buffalo Wild Wings, and I couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity for some nosh. Half the cast went, and I got chips and salsa for the table, plus the Holy Trinity of B-Dubs flavors: 5 Parmesan Garlic, 5 Spicy Garlic, and 5 Mango Habanero. Our server did not appreciate a table of eight on a Sunday night, but what can you do?
MONDAY, Feb 5th
Jackson, Mississippi
We Stan a complimentary breakfast, lemme tell ya. The Drury Inn in Paducah had one of the biggest spreads I'd seen, and I ran for it at 7 AM. I loaded up with three cups of coffee, scrambled eggs, two sausage patties, and a bagel paired with cream cheese and strawberry jam. Don't tell anyone, but I also grabbed three apples to snack on for the next few days.
This was probably one of the hardest travel/show days for us, I'm not gonna lie, and it didn't help that it was so early on when we weren't quite used to traveling. We left our hotel at 8:45, checked out and suitcases packed, on our way back to the Carson Center for the Performing Arts for a school show... at 10:00 AM. Classic Mychal getting hungry right after the curtain fell, so we roamed the streets for an hour looking for anything that was open. We stumbled across the Gold Rush Cafe, where I got a massive chicken bacon ranch wrap and some hash browns masquerading as tater tots It was so stinking good, I ate the whole thing before the bus even left the parking lot.
Doing the show at 10 AM was one thing, but to follow it up with 11 hours straight on the bus to get to Jackson, Mississippi, was low key cruel. In the middle of traveling, we stopped at Kum & Go, and I fleshed out the pantry a little more. I found microwavable Shin Ramen (the best packaged ramen available on Earth) and grabbed three bowls. I also got some Pepper Beef Jerky for the road, Flaming Hot Cool Ranch Dorito's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and a Fruit Punch Push Pop because I'm a grown ass man.
Around 6 PM, we made our last stop before getting to our hotel. I should have done the sensible thing and eaten from my moving pantry, but I wanted something hot and fast instead. I've purposefully omitted the name of the restaurant and the photos I'd taken because I don't want to take any shots at some random Chinese buffet in Middle-of-Nowhere, Mississippi. I'm not exaggerating, dear reader: this was the worst food I've ever had. The rice was undercooked, the noodles were slimy, the sushi rolls were made with imitation crab and lobster meat, and the cream cheese wontons they put out didn't have any filling. The buffet only cost me $15 so I wasn't too remorseful, but it solidified a brand new prejudice that Mississippi doesn't know what Asian cuisine is. I ended up getting a Kombucha at a nearby grocery store so my stomach wouldn't leap out of my mouth and punch me in the face. The day of eating started out wonderfully and ended less so.
TUESDAY, February 6th
Jackson, Mississippi
After my snafu with the Chinese buffet, I was turned off from buying anything ever again, from anywhere... at least until the end of the day. Not only was I too disappointed in the unpredictable quality of the food I was getting, but I was hemorrhaging money from eating out constantly. Since we did our traveling the day before, we had a huge window of time before call time at the theater, so I took advantage and worked out in the hotel gym for nearly three hours. I only had a banana, an apple, a power bar and a protein shake. It's a good thing I ate so sensibly in the morning, because I'm pretty sure dinner was a bag of popcorn with some Goldfish and gummy bears.
WEDNESDAY, February 7th
Senatobia, Mississippi
Another day, another grand experiment vis-Ã -vis what I eat, how much, and when. Mind you, I'm still taking the time every other day to go to the gym, so I'm also having the occasional power bar or protein shake beforehand. Today, I felt like I needed something of a bodily cleanse. I've done this before, where I fast all day besides drinking water, then I eat enough food to feed a charter school. Today was such an experiment, where I made coffee in the hotel and made no other plans on what to eat throughout the day.
End of show rolled around, and my left hand was looking pretty tasty. I planned ahead, and at 4 PM ordered Domino's to be delivered to the hotel lobby by 10:45. Their app wouldn't allow deliveries after 11, totally reasonable, and I didn't think it'd matter since we pretty consistently all get packed up and back on the bus by 10:15. Unbeknownst to me, the actresses who play our four March sisters were kept back to do some promo for the show, and we didn't leave until 11. Also, Mr. Delivery Man, God bless him, was early by about twenty minutes. We got back to the hotel at 11:20, and my pizza was waiting for me. "Oh, that was delivered a while ago, I didn't think anyone was coming to get it," said Terri behind the front desk. The pizza and loaded tots were cold, but not inedible. Experiment failed.

Thursday, February 8th
Oxford, Alabama
Not much excitement on Thursday. We had a six hour drive to get to our next venue, so I had my Domino's leftovers at about 10 AM - at room temperature, mind you - and settled on having a banana closer to 1. Later during the trip, I noshed on some Dorito's and a Kombucha to appease my confused and frightened stomach. For dinner after the show, I had one of my Shin ramen bowls, and it was divine.

FRIDAY, February 9th
Springfield, Missouri
Another unprecedented travel day: ten and a half hours on the bus. With the 8 AM departure, we decided unanimously to have "quiet time" to start the journey, everyone deciding to either keep to themselves or catch up on their sleep. I went with sleep, trying and failing spectacularly to get as comfortable as possible. I distinctly remember falling asleep about five minutes away from our hotel that morning, then waking up in a mall parking lot, loudly asking everyone "Where the fuck are we?"
In the mall food court, I buckled and went with a place called Magic Wok, obviously not learning from my mistakes of the past. Pictured below is one of their standard combinations with pepper chicken and fried rice. It was better than my trial-by-food-poisoning on Monday, but there was still something off about the rice. I boarded the bus with a cold brew from Starbucks that was unilaterally not worth the $9. I'm a snob, sue me.
After more half-hearted naps, we made it to our hotel for the night, and our nicest stay so far, the University Plaza Hotel and Convention Center in Springfield, Missouri. The Convention Center was hosting Comic Con right around the corner, and we were told we might see Steve Burns of Blue's Clues fame, as he was staying at the hotel (we did not). This evening was my last chance to do a final load of laundry before flying back to New York. I retreated into my room and had a Peach Paradise Kombucha for dinner, with my second bowl of Shin ramen, which was divine. I watched Terminator 2 with commercials while I fluffed and folded my laundry. This is the sweet life.
SATURDAY, February 10th
Overland Park, Kansas
This was a hard day, I'm not gonna lie. I don't know what it is about sitting still on a bus for hours, but I always feel like shit when I step off and feel like eating everything in sight. At our first stop, I got Wendy's for lunch. Wendy is like an ex who still loves you but you want to stay just friends; you have a civil enough relationship, but you do feel a little guilty after spending time with her.
We had two performances at Yardley Hall, show one set to start at 4, and show two at 8. Now, Little Women is pretty short compared to most musicals, our show running just under two and.a half hours. This was our first Two Dow Shay, and the venue was gracious enough to provide a catered dinner for the cast and crew. Now, I'm going to blame myself for what happened, and not the venue, because I should have been able to judge whether it was a good idea to eat two helpings of Mexican food plus a cookie and a slice of cheesecake before doing a musical. I had about a forty minute window to do all my eating between the shows, and I wasted no time. Everyone else in the cast restrained themselves by way of portions, but even so, our entire cast was a little belch-y and slow moving backstage.

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, February 11th
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
On the way to Oklahoma, we passed a familiar building that the Arizona boy in me never thought he'd see again: Dutch Bros. Coffee. Our first stop, the bus parked a half mile away, but that didn't stop me. I got mine (and Heidi's) usual order of an iced chai, made with white mocha and chocolate milk, or what I like to call Ambrosia. The baristas accidentally made it with regular milk, totally cool, but offered to make it again the right way and gave me both. I managed to save the extra chai for the next day.
Oh, yeah, there was also some big football contest on Sunday night, the outcome of which would determine who got to marry Taylor Swift? The details are fuzzy, but it was something like that, and a bunch of the cast and band were watching this sporting event on the TV in the lobby. Nearby, Elijah and I played Magic: The Gathering and occasionally checked in for the movie trailers. I retired to my room with another bowl of Shin Ramen, and, of course, it was divine.
MONDAY, February 12th
College Station, Texas
Monday afternoon, I finally became an honorary Texan and went to my first Buc-ee's. We stopped for an hour, and about twenty minutes of that was spent roaming the building in bewilderment that it even exists. I think I described it as "a monument to man's arrogance." It's like if Bass Pro Shop threw up on a QuikTrip and sold turquoise jewelry. They have the self-proclaimed world's cleanest bathrooms (weird flex, but okay) and a wall of two dozen different flavors of beef jerky (more my speed). I wasn't feeling the unrefrigerated salads and Beaver Nuggets (???), but I did get two bags of jerky for the bus.
I'm a beef jerky fiend and love making it at home, so getting to choose between fifteen different flavors was exciting, but also daunting. I know I was in Texas, where we're big on flavor, but I still had a pretty good idea of what their version of "Teriyaki" would taste like, so I wanted something more exotic. I went with the sugar-free version of Bohemian Garlic. The taste was okay, but I found it much more pepper forward than garlic, which was disappointing. I also rolled the dice on Cherry Maple, and lemme tell ya, it was ridonculous. I was apprehensive at first, because "cherry maple" could refer to the kind of wood used to smoke it, but I studied the back and verified that there was cherry extract used in the marinade. I started passing around samples to the other Jerky Jerks on the bus, but needed to save some so that Heidi could try some (she liked it!). Later that night, I had Pad Thai delivered from Taste of Thailand to have while some of the cast shame-watched The Bachelor, and it was exceptional... the food, not The Bachelor. Joey is a dead-eyed dude bro who doesn't listen and has a foot fetish.
TUESDAY, February 13th
College Station, Texas
College Station quickly became my favorite stop on the tour, which I was not expecting. Before check in the night before, I noticed about a mile away from our hotel was, once again, a Dutch Bros. Coffee... right by a Salad and Go. Now you may not know, dear reader, but I was working for Salad and Go during the pandemic, and it was something I ate nearly every day because it was so available. It's something that my mom, Heidi, and her family love, but I can only get it when we visit Arizona, where they started. I was bouncing off the bus excited about getting to have it again, especially given how cheap it is.
We had two days in town, and this felt like a sign from the universe to eat healthy and frivolously. Since I had a pretty lengthy day off, I decided to spend the afternoon walking to a park, then I would get coffee and lunch on the way back. Our hotel also had a decent complimentary breakfast, and I threw on a Cliff bar for an extra boost. I ended up getting a Buffalo Chicken Salad Wrap for the day, plus four salads to spread over the rest of the week (all for just $33). After the show, I went back to the hotel and had my favorite from SAG, the Fall Harvest, which has candied pecans, dried cranberries, Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, parmesan cheese, and balsamic vinaigrette. YUM!
WEDNESDAY, February 14th
College Station, Texas
It was very weird being away from Heidi for our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, but what could we do? There was no shortage of candy and chocolate throughout the day, from people in the cast to the kind folks at our venue. I continued the salad train with my Build Your Own from SAG: a bed of mixed greens with pickled red onions, corn, carrots, celery, blue cheese crumbles, and Buffalo Chicken with ranch dressing. For dinner, I had the Barbecue Ranch topped with grilled chicken, which also comes with corn, black beans, pico de gallo, crispy tortilla strips, and pepper jack cheese. I don't love Barbecue as a flavor, but oh man, this salad has my heart.
THURSDAY, February 15th
Orange, Texas
I think my body had actually been desperately craving vegetables for days, because I legitimately felt GREAT after having salad for so many meals in a row. Before we left for Orange, Texas, I made yet another visit to Salad and Go to stock up for the next two days before we flew out. I still had my Greek salad from Tuesday, and already planned for that on the bus before it got bad. I also got a protein box, which comes with grilled chicken and your choice of veggies or cheese as sides, in this case double cucumbers. I also got another Buffalo Chicken Wrap, which I couldn't resist stuffing my face with while I was still hungry en route. Almost in the spirit of intermittent fasting, I ate plenty before the show, and wasn't hungry at all by the time we got to our hotel at 11:30. I think a new eating schedule/food philosophy is beginning to take shape.
FRIDAY, February 16th
Conway, Arkansas
After three days in a row of eating nothing but salad, I was worried that I would turn into a salad, but not so worried that it would stop me from eating my last one, another Fall Harvest. My full-throated support for the fast food place turned half the cast over to getting it for the few days it was available to us. It really is delicious and has never disappointed. Since I was eating so healthy the last several days, and Friday was our last day before coming home, I was feeling a little adventurous. I got McDonald's delivered to my hotel at midnight. It was not worth it, and I don't think it'll happen again. If Wendy's is a clingy ex-girlfriend, then McDonald's is cocaine laced with fentanyl.
SATURDAY, February 17th
Homecoming
On our way to the airport, I made a last ditch effort to get rid of all the food in my pantry that I couldn't get to on the bus. After our complimentary breakfast from of our last hotel, I had an apple, a banana, and a bottle of coconut water. I didn't sleep on the first flight, but I left the plane with a rumbly-tumbly during our layover. I went with a classic Philly from Charley's Cheesesteak for lunch, and on the second plane to LaGuardia, I had southwest's version of Chex mix. Now this is blogging.
Being away from the lovely Heidi's lovely cooking has been the second hardest part of this tour. We knew I'd be getting home late, fending for myself to take the train while she was stuck at rehearsals in the city, but finally being reunited with her was the highlight of my year. For my first night back, she offered to make an old favorite of ours, Spinache Salad, pronounced spin-ach-ay, and so named because I can never remember how to spell "spinach." Topped with red onion, roasted pine nuts, bacon bits, craisins, feta, parmesan, sliced apple, and sweet Vidalia dressing. We have it every other week, and I even made it for our cast potluck in January. You may think I'd have gotten sick of eating salad, but believe me, there is nothing like enjoying a homemade meal with your favorite person in the world.

Secret-Menu
"And just like that, it's over. We tend to our wounded, we count our dead."
And there you have it! The sporadic diet of a twenty-seven year old traveling the country and living out of a hotel mini-fridge. I have yet to decide if I'll continue this series, as I'm not finding crazy food like I would if I were traveling abroad. Whatever has been most convenient and least expensive hasn't been the most exciting. Perhaps the next few posts will be more bare bones, or just showcase the more out-there choices when I make them. One thing is certain: I have to reevaluate my spending habits as much as my eating habits. Being hungry at 11 PM after the show and only having McDonald's and Taco Bell available to me isn't the healthiest option, and I'm sure my spontaneous eating has affected my lifestyle in myriad ways.
When I'm back on the road in March, I'll have to come up with a better, repeatable, reliable system. Our drummer, Sal, has a plug in croc pot that he used to cook pasta and lentils every day, and I sat behind the man eating cold pizza and stale Dorito's. There is an equitable solution out there, like packing chip clips, a collapsable cooler, reusable plastic bags, but I'm not 100% sure what will make me happiest and healthiest. If you, dear reader, have any suggestions on how I can better plan my meals and squeeze the life out of a nickel, I'm all ears. Until then, bone-apple-teeth!

And scene.
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